Thursday, January 13, 2011


Chemo day! I think I'm in my eighth month of continuous treatment...with the exception of my glorious six month vacation from cancer in early 2010, I've pretty much had non-stop chemo for two years.

I am home full time now, so I have been busy setting up my computer with my contacts and appointments. I set up my treatment schedule - I love the option of setting these as recurring appointments. You have a choice to have it recur for weeks, months, years or never-ending. I selected the "never-ending" option. Don't we just love to think we are never-ending?

Two years ago I was pretty invincible. I was working, eating healthy (mostly), running, attending church and pretty much doing as I pleased. I loved my career and the direction it was headed. I knew Jesus was my Savior and felt secure in my eternity...I just didn't want to find out for sure for a very long time.

My cancer diagnosis in late 2008 rocked my, that is the understatement of the year! I had a strong hold on my life, I have always had a need to be in control. I joked that I was a control freak, but had no desire to change. My control was ripped from me in just a few short days. Thank God! God's grip is stronger than mine - while we were shocked by my diagnosis, God was not surprised. He was ready for me to turn the reins over to Him. My life has not been the same since...not because of doctor's appointments, treatments or sickness. God changed everything in my world. I am no longer in control and I don't want to be. I no longer fill my days with what I want to do, but start each day with "God, direct my path". I'm no longer obsessed with my outward appearance (obviously :-) and more concerned with pleasing God. This is not because I'm a good person it is because God is a Great God.

I never imagined I would be on disability at the age of 45. I never thought it doubtful that I would see the age of 50. But I'm truly excited about what God is doing in my life. I am thrilled to start each day with "God, direct my path" and actually have the freedom to follow that path. I am grateful that God took my good marriage to a level only He can orchestrate. We have been abundantly blessed and to think, with out this diagnosis I might have been so focused on myself that I missed the "glory-ness" of God. That thought chills me to the bone!

Yes, it is good to live in the shadow of God.

"Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 63:7

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