Thursday, March 17, 2011

Looking Back

I have such a content feeling today. The past few weeks have been filled with days of frustration or just plain blahs. Physically I don't feel as well as I did and that dictates my mood most days. I get frustrated because my body won't do the things it use to...I think maybe these are the same thoughts an elderly person endures. I remember days of running as fast as the wind, turning cart wheels and flips, dancing, spinning in circles until I collapsed in laughter. These are the sensations of days long passed. In the beginning of these nostalgic feelings it made me sad. I longed for the days that I would never experience again. But slowly, as I began embracing these memories I began to feel comfort in them. Like taking an inventory of my life, of my experiences I am enjoying them again. A breeze blows and I'm reminded of past breezes. A familiar scent tickles my nose and memories of a thousand scents occupy my mind.

I understand now the reminiscing of aunts, uncles and grandparents. The afternoons and evenings spent mulling over childhood memories. To welcome these thoughts of long ago sensations, the sights, sounds, smells of youth are like curling up on a cool evening with a favorite blanket. A blanket that still carries the scent of fresh breezes and warm sun, of newly mowed grass and wild onions. All of these things are welcomed to visit because they are a part of who I am, not just a part of who I was.

They carry the memories of friendships that meant so much then - and looking back those friendships mean even more now. Even the childhood friends that I've lost touch with over the years, they are still just as much a part of me as the friends that I spend time with now. Each have a lasting impression on the person I am.