Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Words of My Mouth

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, o Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer" Psalm 19:14

A verse I said "by heart" growing up.  We said it every Sunday. These words can roll off my tongue like " The Pledge of Allegiance" or the Big Mac song (two all beef patties, special sauce....)  But when I read the verse slowly and think about it, it becomes more...dare I say...important.  As a child I thought "words of my mouth" meant don't say dirty words or call your sister stupid. Now I know that the words of my mouth are more critical. My words should edify God, spread love and joy to a hurting person, be an encouragement. My words...and your words...may be the only glimpse of Jesus that a person may see.

I have a sharp tongue and sarcasm comes too easily for me. This is something I struggle with daily. It rips at my heart to think of things I have said in the past.  Words I have spoken to my own children that weren't kind, uplifting and certainly not edifying to God. If my life were the only evidence of God that my children were exposed to they would have surely given up on God. What a terrible and sobering thought.  Now I strive everyday to speak encouragingly to people and speak some Jesus into their life.

Meditations of my thoughts not of just my brain but my heart - those are desires.  What are the desires of my heart?  I desire for God to fill my heart with His love and joy and compassion so much that it just spills over and just gets all over people!  Wouldn't it be great if people could say of us, "every time I see them they just spill God's love everywhere!" Or "Man, that guy is just reeking with compassion this morning!"  I know that when the meditations of my heart are pleasing to God , then I must be traveling on the road he wants me to travel. I must be in step with Him.

I know that the desires of my heart have not always been pleasing to God. Selfish ambition and the game of getting more stuff crowded Him out of my heart.  But even when getting more stuff I was still empty.  God was probably say, "child, forget the stuff and chase after me". When life hit hard and the stuff couldn't save me, couldn't redeem me my heart finally learned what my mouth had been saying.  The Lord, He is my Rock and Redeemer.

This Holy Week I hope that the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart are pleasing to the One that sacrificed His only son as a payment of my debts. He is my Rock and my Redeemer.

Friday, March 8, 2013

An Abundantly Good Week

I sit here in the quiet of my home, looking out the window and not really seeing.  My heart and mind and soul is overwhelmed with the thoughts of gifts God has graciously showered on me just this week.  Graciously gifted. Abundantly showered. It sounds so jazzed up when seen on my screen. Like I'm trying to make it seem bigger than it is, when in truth it is just the opposite. My words seem shallow and insignificant.

I don't deserve even a small portion of one gift from God but through his grace he just keeps pouring them on.

The first two weeks of this new chemo plan have gone amazingly well for me.  We've joked that the pharmacy may have switched and given me vitamins instead of chemo.  I know that this feeling of normalcy may not last long so I am enjoying it.

I have had a wonderful time going through Psalm 116 this week.  I plan to blog about it soon.   If you have  scripture that is really speaking to you right now I would love for you to share it with me.

For now...

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Hey, What's Your Name?

My son gave me a leather patch he asked his friends to make for me.  I am more "military" than he is.  I've never been in the service so I can still think of it as it was portrayed in the old black and white movies, the ones with Bing Crosby singing and dancing. Andrew says it is nothing like that - can you imagine that Hollywood steered us wrong?

Anyway, back to the leather patch.

It has my name, my title, and my branch.

A.H. Ellis

I turned it over in my hands feeling the soft leather and the indention of my name. The scent of it, warm and safe.  I am more intentional about taking in such things now. I don't just stop and smell the roses. I inspect their color, shape and the thorns that go along with them.  But that night I was drawn to my name on that patch.  My name, a name that I have had for many years, looked different to me.
I saw it, not as something I'm called, but as something I am.  It occurred to me that my name resembles my life. Parts of different people that make me the whole of who I am. Just as friends contribute to the experiences in a life, my name is also the result of contributions.

A.  Amy, the birth name given to me by my mother.
H.  Huguley, the family name given to me by my father.
Ellis, the name given to me by my husband, almost 30 years ago.

And finally,
Mom, the name given to me by my children.

I have been called many things (let's don't go there!  LOL), but my name reflects who I am.  There is only one name sweeter to me. That name doesn't reflect who I am, but Whose I am. I believe that name is Child.  I try to imagine the scene of when I enter into Heaven. It's much easier to focus on where you are going opposed to where you are leaving. I imagine God smiling and saying, "welcome home, Child".  I am a child of the Most High God!

My pathway to being His child began when Jesus sacrificed His life for mine.  Matthew 20:28

I am proud of my earthly name and all that it means, but I am ETERNALLY grateful to be His child!

Monday, March 4, 2013

It's Just Me

Hey!  Long time no blog!  The winter months have been long and gray for me.  I dared not blog because I had nothing profound, inspiring or funny to share.  I have spent most of my time knitting, cross stitching and overdosing on the Game Show Network.

During my absence from the blogging world we faced one of the days we knew would come but hoped would be later than sooner. I moved to the next phase of treatment.  Xeloda is a chemo in pill form that I take at home. No more weekly trips to the center. No more getting up early to sit in a chemo hair for hours. That probably sounds like good news, but it made me very sad. Over these four years I have grown close to the nurses and staff at the center that I couldn't imagine weeks going by before I would see them again.

Okay, enough melancholy!  This day is too beautiful to spend it moping around. Which, dear ones, is the subject of today's post.

The sky is a beautiful blue, the birds are singing their different little songs - the original tweeting (no app required).  The air is a little chilly but I refuse to stay inside. I've found a corner of my deck where the sun shines through the trees this time of day so I'm warm...and I'm wearing a jacket and boggan.

I have cracked open the binocular case to get a good look at the feathered creatures visiting my earthly paradise. There are some beauties!  From far away I would describe them as red or brown or black - I'm real descriptive like that. But through the binoculars I can see the different shades, the designs on their wings and tail feathers. Breathtaking. I'm sure there is a devotion in that somewhere. I will think about that later.

I realized last fall that the birds sometimes watch me too and I caught one looking in my window last week!  I can imagine this morning the birds are tweeting each other. "Hey, that woman with binoculars is back!  #creepy"

All this bird talk reminds me of a friend. We became friends through an online bible study.  She lives several states away, we've never met or spoken. We only talked through Facebook. She is passionate about The Lord and loved watching birds. Most of our conversations centered around those two subjects. She has some sort of disease that was stealing her eyesight. Sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas it worsened to the point that she can't even used the computer designed for the vision impaired. We haven't been able to communicate.

I think the moral of this story is don't wait for the conditions to be perfect to do something. It's a little chilly, but go look at the birds. Your desk may be piled high with papers or your laundry room may be overflowing, but go have lunch with a friend.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today...unless its cooking. The pizza man can you cover you on that one.

Gonna fly now,