It is approaching now, that time I dread, that time I pretend doesn't happen. Those spaces on the calendar that remain blank out of necessity. My feet never touch down on their empty space...I see them in the future in the form of next week, then as mysterious as the wind they appear in my rear view mirror. I don't experience them as they come with fresh air on my skin and sunshine on my face. Only the stories of others remind me that life continued on, filling this expanse with activity.
The shadows grow long and I wish I could blink away the next few days. I lay in bed wondering when the chemo curtain will rise and let the light back in. I know that these are payment for the days I am blessed to enjoy. The poison that saps all my strength and bites away at my joy is the same life-sustaining drugs that are keeping the tumors at bay. So even in the darkness the light still peaks around the corner.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder...darkness makes the light brighter. I feel such an urgency on my bright days. I want to minister to the hurting, sharing the gospel of God's amazing, saving grace. I want to knit hats and scarves to shield the homeless from winter's bitter cold or make a craft to brighten someone's day. There are so many things to do and such a small amount of time.
Although my Thanksgiving week will be spent recovering, I am no less thankful. Jesus Christ is my Savior, God has blessed me with family, friends, a home, and so many, many other things I do not deserve. I will take this time to rest and when I'm back on my feet...watch out!
"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!