I don't know what my tumor markers are this time. I will probably find out tomorrow. They went up a smidge last time so I can't help but wonder if they have gone as low as they will go.
I think about this journey alot. The struggles, the decisions, the very long dark nights. But my thoughts always turn to the blessings we have received during this time. For many years I thought I had a relationship with God, but it wasn't until "cancer patient" was listed by my name that I begged God to come into my life and never leave me for one second! Our relationship became stronger...then I became a "terminal cancer patient"...when my emotions started spiraling downward He was there to catch me.
I feel myself making a turn on this journey. God has a purpose for me - and my purpose is not to sit around and wait for people to feel sorry for me. God is challenging me to step out of my comfort zone. He is showing me that people are lost and people are hurting. Cancer has given me a new outlook. I've always been bold to talk about my faith in front of a safe crowd, but cancer has given me an urgency to step out further. Once you go through the surgery, recovery, chemo and radiation people's opinions don't scare you anymore.
I think of the friends I have met the past several years. People that I would have not known had it not been for the big C. Nurses, people I've met in the waiting room, support groups, loving folks at church and the list goes on and on.
Of course, I think about Ama. I call her my Nigerian friend. She has not lived in this country very long. I'm not sure who had a harder time understanding the different languages....my southern drawl stumped her as much as her beautiful Nigerian accent confused me. Were it not for cancer I would not have had the privilege to meet this wonderful woman. Ama was diagnosed with cancer one year after her husband had died of cancer. She has two small children. She had a friend that went to church with someone that I work with...you see God had to make all those connects! We started visiting with Ama weekly. We went with the purpose of housework, laundry, etc. Ama wanted to visit with me, so Steve did the chores (surprised?). I could go on forever about the visits with Ama, but I will say this - I have never, ever in my entire life heard someone pray a more beautiful prayer than Ama. I hope that my reward in heaven is to stand near Ama as we worship our Savior.
I've typed alot tonight. It is hard to sleep the night after chemo because of the drugs...of course I have medicine to counteract that - but I might not wake up until sometime Saturday! But before I sign off, I want to share the verses that God has put on my heart this week. I repeat them as I go to sleep and they are my first thought when I wake up...
I will extol the Lord at all times, His praises will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord, let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me, let us exalt His name together.
I invite you, please let us exalt his name together! The glorious and mighty King!