Good Day!

It's Saturday...part of me says "finally!", part of me says, "already?"  With cancer treatments we categorize my days (and weeks) as good or bad.  The good days are the days when I feel almost normal.  I stay out of the bed most of the day, I can work on my different craft projects and even go a few places.  Bad days are, of course, bad.

I'm coming out of a bad week.  Thankfully, if the past is any indication, I should have a good week before it gets bad again.  I literally live for the good weeks.  I woke up this morning, fixed a cup of coffee and headed out to the deck.  I knew my rough week was coming to a close.  I enjoyed the feel of autumn, the chirping of birds and the babbling fountain behind our house.  Yes, yes indeed, it is going to be a good day.

CRAFTY-CRAFTY

I love a project, especially one that needs to be completed by a certain time.  I guess I work better under pressure.  I'm helping a friend knit warm hats for homeless men at the Jimmie Hale Mission.  The  goal is to be finished before it gets cold....genius, right!

My bad weeks get me behind on my knitting, so today I am ready to get back to it!

This is a picture of my craft desk.  See those hats?  Those are the ones I've made.  See all that yarn?  Those are hat embryos.  They are just waiting for me to grab 'em up and start knitting!


Memory vs. Motivation

I have never had a great memory and all the chemo that has been pumped in me hasn't helped.  But I had something happen this week that made me wonder if I use my mediocre memory as an excuse when it comes to scripture memorization.  I had been sleeping most of the day and really didn't know the day, time or much of anything else.  I rose up on one elbow to see the TV.  I immediately thought, "that's Monica Quartermaine from General Hospital."  I have not watched a soap opera in years and haven't watched General Hospital since high school.  Why is it that I can remember a fictitious person but struggle with learning scripture?  Am I lacking motivation?  I want to change that...will you join me?

Psalm 34 has been on my heart so I am starting there.  I will start with the first three verses.  If you are willing to join me, please let me know if you are memorizing Psalm 34: 1-3 or another verse that speaks to you.  You can post in the comment section below or send me a private message.  I can't wait to hear from you!

First Dance

Today was a treatment day and that means I spend most of the day laying around...in the treatment chair, on the couch and then to the bed.  While I was resting I started looking at pics on Facebook.  I found this one...

This is one of my all time favorite pictures!  There are so many reasons why I love this picture.

1.  For the first time caught on film it appears that my man's hair has more gray than mine.  However, my hair is a synthetic wig chosen especially for the occasion...it even matches my dress!

2. Finally, a picture that doesn't show my wrinkles, double-chin or fat cheeks!

3. It was taken on our daughter's wedding day on the dance floor during the reception.

4. It's the first time he ever asked me to dance!  Yeah, you read that right - we started dating when I was 16 and well, that was a long time ago!  We've danced before, but only after I asked him.

This unasked question was a sensitive spot with me.  It would make me mad that he never wanted to dance with me.  Of course, I knew it wasn't just with me.  Steve doesn't like to dance, but that didn't stop me from being mad!

All of those times of begrudging my husband melted away while we were on that dance floor.  The dance was made sweeter because of his timing.  He didn't ask me to dance at a night club or an office party or even a New Year's Eve party.  He asked me to dance on our daughter's wedding day.

The delay in asking it made it all the more sweeter.  That's the way life with God is sometimes.  We want what we want and when we want it.  But when we wait on God, his timing makes it all the sweeter.

We have both learned a lot of lessons in the past few years.  Lessons about ourselves, each other and God's love for us.  We've learned how to appreciate moments as they come.  We've never discussed this dance and we don't have to, I think the picture says it all.

Ode to the Watermelon

"Taste and see that the Lord is good!"  Psalm 34:8


Short Post....I promise!


My type of cancer combined with the medication has resulted in some major dietary issues.  Don't worry, I will not go into detail.  Anyway, because of this, I have not been able to eat fruit or most vegetables for about two years.  Weird diet, huh?

This has been quite an adjustment for me.  I love fresh fruit and vegetables!  I enjoyed visiting the farmer's market and loading up the back of my car.  The bright colors and scent of all that yummy goodness would make me almost giddy.  I've been so moved by this sight that I have, on occasion, piled it all on the kitchen table and taken pictures!

My love for food may seem a little extreme, but absence does make the heart grow fonder, don't you know.  It is this fondness that moved me to request watermelon on Steve's latest trip to the store.  Because he loves me and wants to make me happy, he filled my request.  Also, because he loves me and didn't want me to drown in watermelon juice, he just bought a container of watermelon chunks instead of an entire watermelon...smart man.

I sat out on my deck, feeling the cool breeze, listening to the birds sing and ate my watermelon.  I'm telling you, it was a beautiful moment.  Psalm 34:8 came to mind immediately.

Well, just wanted to share that thought with you this evening.  I hope your week is filled with God's bountiful blessings!

AmyLou

  

Rash Rants!

I am ecstatic, well maybe just really, really happy that I am able to sit on my deck this morning.  This is just about my favorite place in the world, but the heat and humidity has kept me inside a lot this summer.  It is so quiet during the day - I think most people around here have jobs, so me and Gracie have the neighborhood to ourselves.  We have many birds that visit in our backyard.  I'm not as familiar with them as I have been in past summers, but I do have a favorite.  I think it is a yellow chickadee...I know it's yellow, it's the chickadee part I'm not sure of.  It's so little and bright and happy!  I know it's happy because how in the world could you be that color of yellow and not be happy!

I've been on my new drug regimen for about a month now.  This combo, like the last three or so, is not intended to kill the cancer and cure me.  It's meant to slow the growth of the tumors and keep them at bay as long as possible.  Each drug comes with it's own side effects.  This one is, by far, the weirdest yet.

The drug is Erbitux and it's most common side effect is an "acne-like" rash.  When I heard that bit a fun news my vanity kicked in!  I'm 46 years old and my friends are going to start calling me zit face!  It took less than 48 hours after my treatment for the rash to start in.  It's not pleasant, but some of it is funny to me (I've learned that humor is part of my coping mechanism).

*when the rash first started it felt like braille on my face!  I would have loved for a blind person to run their fingers along my forehead and see what it said!

*I've thought about wearing a surgical mask when in public.  It worked for Michael Jackson.
I will go ahead and answer all the questions people ask me when they see it.

1.  Yes, it itches.
2.  Yes, it is painful
3.  No, I'm not contagious
4.  No, it will not go away until I stop taking the medicine.

Of course the rash on my face is the most noticeable, because I'm modest and not on the Olympic beach volleyball team.  But it does run from my waist up - excluding arms, but including my scalp and  inside my ears!!

One more side effect of Erbitux before I sign off.  "abnormal hair growth".  I had to read that one a couple of times, but that is all it said!  I don't know if it meant you would have hair growth in abnormal places or if your hair would grow at an abnormal pace.  My eyelashes are getting longer, so I'm praying it is the latter.


Gracie and I will sign off for now.  We are getting sleepy, must be time for our mid-morning nap.

Thank you all for your kind words after I shared my blog at GFBC.  Our God is an awesome God and when we speak of Him it never returns void!


AmyLou

Sweet Sleep

"You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar."  Psalm 139:2


I admit it.  I love to sleep.  I believe that a nap can cure just about any illness or help you thwart any domestic dispute.  I fall asleep in the car even if we are just going to the mall.  I've even fallen asleep at a NASCAR race!  Now that takes talent!

The only time I cannot sleep is the night after I receive a chemo treatment.  I feel sick and would love to sleep to avoid the feeling, but sleep eludes me.  This past Monday was no exception.  The day of treatment is usually the worst time for headaches, nausea, etc.  Thankfully, I have medicine to relieve all the symptoms except insomnia.

Before bed on Monday night I took (2) pills for headache, (2) for blood pressure, (1) for nausea, (1) "happy" pill and (1) sleeping pill.  Get a load of this:  EACH of these pills have a label that reads "may cause drowsiness".  You would think with seven pills that may cause drowsiness that I would be able to slip off into a peaceful doze.  I think I need a prescription with a label that says "will knock you into next week!"

The drugs help with the illness, but they do not get me to sleep.  So I resorted to the remedies I learned as a child.  I took a census of sheep until my pasture was full and the fence was bulging.  No sleep.  I counted how many times Steve snored, but then he rolled over and left me hanging on 37.  I started counting my blessings "naming them one by one", but it started stressing me because I didn't want to forget any of them. I use to try to quote scripture verses, but if I couldn't remember I would go crazy until I got up and looked up the scripture.  I think I finally fell asleep thinking of different craft projects I would like to make.

Those sleepless nights seem to go on forever.  But they are not as bad as they once were.  At the beginning of my cancer journey those sleepless night were filled with fears, tears and worry.  I rarely experience the fear, tears and worry now.  I know that God is with me and my family every step of the way.  We rely on His strength and His mercy and that give me the peace I need for each day.


Peace to you!

AmyLou

Feeling a Little Crafty

I really like arts and crafts.  I can spend hours looking at the DIY section of Pinterest.  I have walked miles in Hobby Lobby looking at ribbon, flowers, fabric, woodworking kits (and I don't even wood work).  As I see it, there are two types of crafty people.  Those that are blessed with the imagination and skills to make their crafty dreams a reality and then there are the people like me.  I refer to people like me as the "cursed crafters".  In my mind I can see myself weaving rugs, stenciling artwork on all my lamps, painting murals, sewing curtains...I think you get the picture.  But in reality, I have never done any of those things.  However, when I do run across something I'm brave enough to try, I am all in.

I did teach my self counted cross-stitching when I was in my early twenties.  I even worked in a craft store a couple of Saturdays a month.  I bought so much thread and fabric that I always ended up owing the owner more than I earned working all day.  I still cross stitch and really enjoy it.  I just wish it didn't take so long to see the finished project.  I'm a little impatient!

So I have now ventured out of comfort zone.  In the past year or so I have made a couple of wreaths, not the fancy ones -  mine are very simple.  I also took a large step and started painting on canvas, not pictures - words.  I started painting because...hmm, this is going to be hard to explain.  I would wake up in the morning with a word rambling around in my head.  It was not enough for me to say the word, I needed to DO something with the word.  I didn't think Steve would appreciate me painting graffiti on the house, even though it would have been nice words, so I decided to use canvas instead.

Right about now you are probably thinking I'm a nut case...no need to call the funny farm, I don't drive anymore so the streets are safe!


I've painted the words GLORY, JOY, FAITH...one of the most difficult decisions is deciding what color should go with the words.  GLORY, yellow/orange like a sunset; JOY, a deep red; FAITH, blue.
I've done some other things too. Some didn't turn out so well, so they have earned a place on my craft desk.  I like to display them: 1) when I become a famous painter I will remember my humble beginnings and 2) I will have something to throw if someone breaks in our house.

I can't believe it!  I've sat here and typed all of this (and you have sat there and read this) and it has almost nothing to do with what I really wanted to blog.  I hope you enjoyed your trip through my rambling brain.  Maybe my next blog will contain some meaningful words of wisdom.

Happy weekend!

AmyLou

Afflicted

With the lovely distraction of wedding plans behind us, the thoughts I had been ignoring came back into full view.  It was time to decide if I would continue chemo treatments or stop completely and let nature take it's course.  It's not a multiple choice question, I only had two options.  Growing up in the 70s watching Let's Make a Deal, I was looking for door number 3, that possibly was hiding a shiny new sports car so I could just ride off into the sunset.

I prayed that God would give me an answer as to what I should do, a very clear answer...like a billboard erected at the entrance of the hospital would have been perfect. There was no billboard, not even a Nike ad urging me to "Just Do It".  I've enjoyed these few weeks with no chemo, so there was the temptation of not subjecting my body to that misery again.  Of course, no treatment means a shorter life span.  Chemo gives me a chance of a little more earthly time, but I will be sick.  Neither option is great, but I chose chemo.  I start a new drug regimen on July 16th.

I seem to always go back and remember the beginning of my cancer (Dec 2008) when I am faced with a decision dealing with my treatment.  I wanted to give God the glory for healing me.  At that time my emphasis was more on the healing of me.  I wanted to give God the glory, but I really wanted to be healed.  The weeks passed and each doctor's report was worse than the previous and my faith began to falter.  I loved God, I worshiped Him and was longing to serve Him, so why was I being afflicted with this deadly disease.  I'm thankful that I was never angry at God, but I was confused and didn't understand the journey. "Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain."  Psalm 119:36

God didn't give me cancer, but He knew that I would face this hardship.  He set in motion the doctors and nurses.  He aligned our path with the path of supportive friends that encourage us, speak scripture over us and pray.  He also sprinkles our lives with folks that are only there for a moment.  I can't begin to tell you how many times a stranger has said something to me that was just what I needed to hear in that moment.

"It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."  Psalm 119:71

I would love to cast cancer into the deepest ocean and never worry with it again.  But the way God has used this for His Glory is so amazing I can't get my head around it.  He has blessed me beyond measure by allowing me this time to get to know Him better!  The time I have spent in His Word has been sweet time.  Some days I am pondering the majestic power that it took to form heaven and earth and other days I am humbled knowing that His heart aches for me.  I no longer work or drive so I enjoy having a quiet time with no limits.  There is no rushing through a quiet time with God so I can go on to other things.  That is such a wonderful gift, maybe even an advantage to having cancer.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called the children of God"  1 John 3:1


Rejoicing in Christ,

AmyLou