Thankful

Here I am again.  Another sleepless night because of steriods I have to take with my chemo.  It just doesn't seem very fair.  They give you drugs that are going to make you feel yucky and then another drug to make sure you stay awake and enjoy every minute of it.

I'm not complaining, I'm just joking around a bit.  I want to have a fun time with this post, which could be a little scary.  I have just taken seven drugs that either have the potential or the promise to make you go to sleep.  Well, they don't make me sleep but you can bet your sweet bippie it dulls the senses.

A few weeks back I had a vision for the coffee table in my sitting room.  This room is called the sitting room because this is where I sit.  Anyway, I needed a little husband help on this project.  I needed odd shaped wooden blocks and with my mishaps with glue guns, nobody wants me around an electrical saw!

It is about this time that I had the great idea to take pictures of this project like the crafty blogger people do.  So lets give it a wing-ding:

Here are the odd shaped blocks my hubs lovingly sawed for me, the stencil letters that I made, and a wonderful assortment of scrapbook paper.  The Modge Podge is mysteriously missing from this shot.

OK, before you look at this next shot I want you to know that I am an excellent speller.  I don't get that math where they mix numbers and letters, but I can spell when you get those numbers out of my business.  So.....if you were going to make a tablescape with the word THANKFUL, which of the letters below would you not use?  Go ahead.

Why on God's green earth did I make a "C"?  And why did it have to be front and center in my picture?

Here is the project as it stands now.  I may add something or move it around but that is it for today.  I made the flower arrangement and the block letters.  The two foam pumpkins are from Walmart.  And the sweet chicks front and center were my grandmother's salt and pepper shakers.  The sun streaming through the blinds was all God's idea.

Good night to all!

Beauty and the Beast

Come out to my deck and join me this morning.  The weather is perfect with the morning sun filtering through the trees, a few leaves flutter to the ground.  The squirrels are scampering from one branch to another overhead.  It is the perfect time of year because the pool is still open.  The sparkling water just adds to the view.

Is there a better way to start the day?  I don't think so!

I'm not quite sure where my thoughts will take me this morning.  I have several different topics running through this scattered brain.  Let's just see where it leads.

I have had a good week, physically speaking.  This week's treatment has not made me sick or tired. The blood work results made me exuberant even!  My prayer time has been sweet and my study time has been fruitful.  Satan is not happy with any of this!  He is trying to creep into my thoughts with self-doubt, reminding me of past insecurities.

Satan has been reminding me of the things I have lost during this battle with cancer.  He wants me to be consumed with self-pity, because when you are consumed with "self" your focus is not on God.

He reminds me that I had to give up my career.  A career that I loved, and quite frankly, was rather good at.  Along with that career I lost my financial worth.

When I lost my health I lost my outward appearance.  I ran about three miles a day and was conscience of every bite I put in my mouth.  I was in good physical shape and had amassed a pretty extensive wardrobe.  I liked going places, mainly for the opportunity to dress up!  Because of cancer - surgery, chemo, radiation and other medicines - I packed on 90 pounds, lost my hair twice, sporadically lose control over bodily functions and NOW I HAVE ACNE!  The thought of going somewhere just for the chance to dress up is far from my "fun thing to do" list.

Now don't get in your car and come join my pity party!  It's over!  God knows that we have these troubles from time to time.  So He gives us the ammo to fight back when Satan starts flinging stones at us.

God tells me my face is radiant! (Psalm 34:4)

God tells me the beauty that He sees, the beauty that is important to Him. (1 Peter 3:3-4)

I hope the people that love me see me the way God sees me.  My hope is that the inner me, the important "stuff", shines through.  I hope that by giving my almost 4 year struggle with cancer over to God that my superficial self has given way to the spiritual self.  Instead of counting the miles I run, I want the steps I walk to count.  Instead of wearing the latest trend I want to be clothed in God's righteousness.

Isn't it great how our Almighty God can turn a pity party into a PRAISE PARTY!!

October?

Wow!  Where has the time gone?  It's already October?  This Alabama weather keeps me guessing about what month I'm living in.  I go for days not caring what day it is and then *poof*, it is a week later than I thought.



I've been enjoying sitting on my deck enjoying the fall-ish weather for days.  I planned to enjoy it again this morning during my TAWG (Time Alone With God).  I gathered my bible (both printed and electronic), my prayer journal and a cup of coffee.  I headed out and settled in my chair.  It didn't take but a minute or two to realize my t-shirt and shorts were not the appropriate attire this morning.  I headed back in for long pants and returned to my spot.  I did manage to make it half way through my cup of coffee before I realized more fabric was needed.  I finally settled in after wrapping up in an afghan (one handmade by me, I might add).

I perused some favorite scripture.  I always head to the Psalms first.  I remind myself that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made", that God "knit me together", that He "knows my thoughts from afar", He "hems me in from front and behind".  These have all been a comfort to me while battling cancer.  Instead of becoming stale scripture over these 3 3/4 years, they have become more like a friend.  Something that I look forward to each day.

Just sharing this pic because M&Ms make me happy!

I had some big praises to sing to my God this morning.  I praised Him all day yesterday, but I made it official this morning.  I'm not sure if that makes sense.  My heart remains thankful for what God is doing in my life, in the lives of my family and friends.  But yesterday He showed up and showed out BIG!

Praise #1:  Got a call from Allie that she had been offered the job she wanted!

Praise #2:  Got a great report from my blood work!  My tumor marker dropped for the third week in a row.  That number has been cut in half since I started this drug combo on July 9.

Praise #3:  I had a conversation with Andrew about how God works in our lives even when we don't understand it.  To be able to talk about God with your grown children is a great blessing.

Praise #4:  I finally got to meet my 2-week old great-nephew, Ezra James.  Icing on the cake!

After about an hour, with my hands cold and my nose running, it was time to come inside.


MEMORY?

How many of you remember committing to memorize some scripture?  Today is your reminder!!!
I suggested Psalm 34:1-3, but if you picked something else that is fine, too.


CRAFTS!

I've been playing around with some crafts....I hope to start showing some of them to you tomorrow.

I would love to hear from you!!  What book are you currently reading?

Good Day!

It's Saturday...part of me says "finally!", part of me says, "already?"  With cancer treatments we categorize my days (and weeks) as good or bad.  The good days are the days when I feel almost normal.  I stay out of the bed most of the day, I can work on my different craft projects and even go a few places.  Bad days are, of course, bad.

I'm coming out of a bad week.  Thankfully, if the past is any indication, I should have a good week before it gets bad again.  I literally live for the good weeks.  I woke up this morning, fixed a cup of coffee and headed out to the deck.  I knew my rough week was coming to a close.  I enjoyed the feel of autumn, the chirping of birds and the babbling fountain behind our house.  Yes, yes indeed, it is going to be a good day.

CRAFTY-CRAFTY

I love a project, especially one that needs to be completed by a certain time.  I guess I work better under pressure.  I'm helping a friend knit warm hats for homeless men at the Jimmie Hale Mission.  The  goal is to be finished before it gets cold....genius, right!

My bad weeks get me behind on my knitting, so today I am ready to get back to it!

This is a picture of my craft desk.  See those hats?  Those are the ones I've made.  See all that yarn?  Those are hat embryos.  They are just waiting for me to grab 'em up and start knitting!


Memory vs. Motivation

I have never had a great memory and all the chemo that has been pumped in me hasn't helped.  But I had something happen this week that made me wonder if I use my mediocre memory as an excuse when it comes to scripture memorization.  I had been sleeping most of the day and really didn't know the day, time or much of anything else.  I rose up on one elbow to see the TV.  I immediately thought, "that's Monica Quartermaine from General Hospital."  I have not watched a soap opera in years and haven't watched General Hospital since high school.  Why is it that I can remember a fictitious person but struggle with learning scripture?  Am I lacking motivation?  I want to change that...will you join me?

Psalm 34 has been on my heart so I am starting there.  I will start with the first three verses.  If you are willing to join me, please let me know if you are memorizing Psalm 34: 1-3 or another verse that speaks to you.  You can post in the comment section below or send me a private message.  I can't wait to hear from you!

First Dance

Today was a treatment day and that means I spend most of the day laying around...in the treatment chair, on the couch and then to the bed.  While I was resting I started looking at pics on Facebook.  I found this one...

This is one of my all time favorite pictures!  There are so many reasons why I love this picture.

1.  For the first time caught on film it appears that my man's hair has more gray than mine.  However, my hair is a synthetic wig chosen especially for the occasion...it even matches my dress!

2. Finally, a picture that doesn't show my wrinkles, double-chin or fat cheeks!

3. It was taken on our daughter's wedding day on the dance floor during the reception.

4. It's the first time he ever asked me to dance!  Yeah, you read that right - we started dating when I was 16 and well, that was a long time ago!  We've danced before, but only after I asked him.

This unasked question was a sensitive spot with me.  It would make me mad that he never wanted to dance with me.  Of course, I knew it wasn't just with me.  Steve doesn't like to dance, but that didn't stop me from being mad!

All of those times of begrudging my husband melted away while we were on that dance floor.  The dance was made sweeter because of his timing.  He didn't ask me to dance at a night club or an office party or even a New Year's Eve party.  He asked me to dance on our daughter's wedding day.

The delay in asking it made it all the more sweeter.  That's the way life with God is sometimes.  We want what we want and when we want it.  But when we wait on God, his timing makes it all the sweeter.

We have both learned a lot of lessons in the past few years.  Lessons about ourselves, each other and God's love for us.  We've learned how to appreciate moments as they come.  We've never discussed this dance and we don't have to, I think the picture says it all.

Ode to the Watermelon

"Taste and see that the Lord is good!"  Psalm 34:8


Short Post....I promise!


My type of cancer combined with the medication has resulted in some major dietary issues.  Don't worry, I will not go into detail.  Anyway, because of this, I have not been able to eat fruit or most vegetables for about two years.  Weird diet, huh?

This has been quite an adjustment for me.  I love fresh fruit and vegetables!  I enjoyed visiting the farmer's market and loading up the back of my car.  The bright colors and scent of all that yummy goodness would make me almost giddy.  I've been so moved by this sight that I have, on occasion, piled it all on the kitchen table and taken pictures!

My love for food may seem a little extreme, but absence does make the heart grow fonder, don't you know.  It is this fondness that moved me to request watermelon on Steve's latest trip to the store.  Because he loves me and wants to make me happy, he filled my request.  Also, because he loves me and didn't want me to drown in watermelon juice, he just bought a container of watermelon chunks instead of an entire watermelon...smart man.

I sat out on my deck, feeling the cool breeze, listening to the birds sing and ate my watermelon.  I'm telling you, it was a beautiful moment.  Psalm 34:8 came to mind immediately.

Well, just wanted to share that thought with you this evening.  I hope your week is filled with God's bountiful blessings!

AmyLou

  

Rash Rants!

I am ecstatic, well maybe just really, really happy that I am able to sit on my deck this morning.  This is just about my favorite place in the world, but the heat and humidity has kept me inside a lot this summer.  It is so quiet during the day - I think most people around here have jobs, so me and Gracie have the neighborhood to ourselves.  We have many birds that visit in our backyard.  I'm not as familiar with them as I have been in past summers, but I do have a favorite.  I think it is a yellow chickadee...I know it's yellow, it's the chickadee part I'm not sure of.  It's so little and bright and happy!  I know it's happy because how in the world could you be that color of yellow and not be happy!

I've been on my new drug regimen for about a month now.  This combo, like the last three or so, is not intended to kill the cancer and cure me.  It's meant to slow the growth of the tumors and keep them at bay as long as possible.  Each drug comes with it's own side effects.  This one is, by far, the weirdest yet.

The drug is Erbitux and it's most common side effect is an "acne-like" rash.  When I heard that bit a fun news my vanity kicked in!  I'm 46 years old and my friends are going to start calling me zit face!  It took less than 48 hours after my treatment for the rash to start in.  It's not pleasant, but some of it is funny to me (I've learned that humor is part of my coping mechanism).

*when the rash first started it felt like braille on my face!  I would have loved for a blind person to run their fingers along my forehead and see what it said!

*I've thought about wearing a surgical mask when in public.  It worked for Michael Jackson.
I will go ahead and answer all the questions people ask me when they see it.

1.  Yes, it itches.
2.  Yes, it is painful
3.  No, I'm not contagious
4.  No, it will not go away until I stop taking the medicine.

Of course the rash on my face is the most noticeable, because I'm modest and not on the Olympic beach volleyball team.  But it does run from my waist up - excluding arms, but including my scalp and  inside my ears!!

One more side effect of Erbitux before I sign off.  "abnormal hair growth".  I had to read that one a couple of times, but that is all it said!  I don't know if it meant you would have hair growth in abnormal places or if your hair would grow at an abnormal pace.  My eyelashes are getting longer, so I'm praying it is the latter.


Gracie and I will sign off for now.  We are getting sleepy, must be time for our mid-morning nap.

Thank you all for your kind words after I shared my blog at GFBC.  Our God is an awesome God and when we speak of Him it never returns void!


AmyLou