Most of my thoughts for this blog come to me at night, just as I'm about to drift off to sleep (with the help of some marvelous pills). The sentences sound great as they are forming in my head. Unfortunately, that marvelous sleepy time medicine, must also be a mind eraser. I can remember what I want to convey, but not the route I will take to get there. Very frustrating! (side note: after having to search for the (!) I just used, it is frustrating that Ipad does not have the standard keyboard)
Anyway, this week marks the two year anniversary of the doctors telling us I was terminal and would not beat this cancer. It was on a Wednesday. I had already fought the cancer battle for a year and thought it was behind me. Now they were saying I could keep fighting but I would not win. When I asked how long he thought I might live, the doctor said 2 to 2 1/2 years. You do the math. I remember crying in the office. I think Steve held it together until we got to the car. We made it home and out to the deck. We cried, prayed and talked, then we went to church. The news had traveled fast, so folks were surprised to see us there. I remember thinking, "where else were we suppose to go?"
I'm glad I chose to continue to fight. It has not been an easy battle, at times the side effects have left me crumpled on the floor crying. But the good days are so good and sweet, that each time the doc asks if I want to keep going, I say a resounding YES! Last week I didn't make it out of bed. But today I am on my deck, feeling the breeze, enjoying the view of all the flowers Steve has planted for me, hearing the birds sing...yep, it's a glorious day!
Darn it! Three rambling paragraphs and I haven't even touched on what I wanted to say! I guess I will have to start again tomorrow.
After thought: When they told us 2 1/2 years we didn't circle a date on the calendar. Each day is ordained by God, whether I live one more day, six more months or six more years.
MY FLESH AND MY HEART MAY FAIL, BUT GOD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART AND MY PORTION FOREVER. PSALM 73:26