My world has been turned upside down, but curiously I am calm. Steve and I received the news this week that we both knew we would eventually hear, but never thought it would be so soon. The cancer I fought so hard against just last year has spread to my lungs. Our minds were reeling as we talked with the doctor about treatments and quality of life. My first battle with cancer was about survival. I wanted to beat cancer and keep it in my past. This time the battle is about time. I want to squeeze as much time out as I possibly can.
My calmness may be due to denial. We have not had a good opportunity to tell our children. Allie has finals and is graduating from college next week. Andrew has a month of leave before he goes to Japan and will be home in a few days. This is just not news to share over the telephone, so I know we will tell Andrew next week when he gets home, but I'm not sure when we should tell Allie. In the time that I have before telling them, I pretend that I'm fine and that we are awaiting more test results. Is this lying? I know they want to know the truth, but I really want to be able to sit down with them, talk with them and start loving them through the process.
I hope I can remain strong for my family. I want to make memories for them. I want them to see Christ through me so they can have a closer relationship with Him.