Tuesday, May 4, 2010

It's been such a busy week - and it's only Tuesday! There is so much busyness going on and I just want it to stop. I want time to slow down so that I can savor every precious moment. The past week has been a whirlwind of doctor appointments, tests and then more doctor's appointments. I've spent my share of time in doctor's waiting rooms. Having two children and living 44 years, you seem to accumulate a lot of frequent flyer miles just sitting and waiting. I've never really minded the wait, but now it seems as if every moment is so important. It's not that I'm impatient. Actually, I am more patient now than ever in my life. I just don't want to feel rushed or in a hurry. I don't want to miss one single thing. How very sad it would be to miss a blue jay sitting on a fence post because you have to hurry off for an appointment.

It is also an exciting week. I have delighted in listening to my children the past few days. Allie has been writing her last papers, studying for her last finals, searching for a job. It is such an exciting time in her life. She has had a very good four years of college. I don't know of anyone that has ever had as good a time as she has had. I believe she has done everything that she has wanted to do. She has been very involved, made excellent grades and has made life long friends with students and teachers. Andrew has been counting down the time until he is on leave and can come home. He started counting a little over a week ago. When he got down to three days left he converted to hours. It's comical to listen to him...this child who never stayed home is counting the hours until he gets home. I'm not kidding myself. I know he won't be home the whole time he is "home", but I will get to see him. He is doing so well in the path that he has chosen. I believe he has really found what makes him happy...and that makes me happy. 25 hours and my baby will be home.

The news of my cancer has come at a horrible time. But I guess there really isn't a good time for that kind of news. It was hard to decide when to break the news to the kids. I hated to ruin Allie's last week of school, but I think she felt like we weren't very open with her with my first diagnosis, so I wanted to make sure we told her before she found out from someone else. We still haven't told Andrew. I just didn't want to tell him over the phone. I wanted to be able to hold him or let him hold me. He is so excited to see friends and family that I don't want this to ruin his time here.

I want to make good memories for my family. I catch myself thinking something is great and that I want to remember it, then it hits me...this is great and I want them to remember it.

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