Monday, August 19, 2013
It's over. Another week of chemo behind me. While I spend a week in Chemoland I worry that I will not return. To those who have never visited ChemoLand, you won't understand, and that's ok. Chemotherapy takes me to a place where even the bravest fear to tread. It is dark, gloomy and inescapable. The minutes seem to be hours, the days an eternity.
I plead with God to take this away from me, then I think of others that have battled cancer and how many we have lost in just the past year. I don't want it taken from just me, but everyone. Cancer is hard, the treatments are horrible and death is agony. It is a tough road diminished only by the promise of glory in Heaven.
People ask how I have done it for so long. My glib answer is "stubbornness". The ture answer seems cliche' here, deep in the bible belt. I am here because of God's grace and mercy. I don't understand it, I guess I'm not suppose to understand. I don't know why I am here and others are not. I don't know why I'm preparing my heart to say goodbye to another friend.
My friend and I have spent hours talking...talking as only two terminally ill sisters in Christ can talk. That, dear ones, is where the rubber meets the road. We have hashed out cancer, Heaven, God's will for our lives and His grace and mercy. We've compared side effects and our desires to impact this world for God's kingdom. We've confessed our fear in the midst of our Trust in God.
I will miss my sweet friend. I know that when she is seated at God's throne, she will hear, "well done, my precious child". I also know that we will be together again basking in the glory that is so much greater than our present sufferings.
I don't understand The Plan. All I know is that God is faithful. He loves me and will never abandon me. Even in ChemoLand. All He asks is that I love HIM and join HIM in loving others as HE does...not because HE needs my help, but because in doing His work I grow to be more like Him, so that His glory can be complete.