Today was treatment day for me at the cancer center. I enjoyed seeing my friends and talking to other patients I see there on a regular basis. We talk about how much nicer the weather is now, books we've read and things we do for fun.
There were a couple of new folks today. I usually try to say something to new folks - nothing profound, just a quick hello or an encouraging word about how wonderful the nurses are there. A lady came with her sister and daughter - she hit a soft spot in my heart. I overheard them talking about her drug regimen. Oxaliplatin, 5FU, Lucavorin for three days every other week....she has colon cancer. My cancer. She cried some when they were talking about the drugs, the side effects, her battle.
I remember my first visit. Steve and I were still reeling from the whirlwind of bad news, surgeries and our new focus on saving my life. I had been mentally preparing myself for the side effects of the poison they were about to pump into my body. The doc came in and said he had bad news. What? How could there be more bad news? My scan showed spots in my lungs. We weren't going to change my treatment, it just put another question mark in my life. I remember that day like a vivid bad dream!
Anyway, I naturally wanted to reach out to her, but I couldn't. I try to be an encourager, to lift folks up. But when you talk to a cancer patient their natural response is to ask what type of cancer you have. In this case, I am not the person she needs to talk to right now....hopefully never. I could not tell this frightened lady that I had been through the fight she is in now, I didn't want her to ask why I was back.
It is hard to want to help someone when you can't. I know that my family goes through that struggle all the time with me.
I'm sorry this post is not uplifting. It's the natural events of the weekend following chemo. I will rest and pray through the weekend and come through the weekend closer to the heart of mine risen Savior!
Cast your anxieties on Him! He is all sufficient, all knowing, all loving! Praise the Lord our Jesus who is victorious over death and because He is, so are we!!