Monday, February 13, 2012


Here I am again, trying to be more diligent about posting to my blog. Why do I get so gung ho about something and then just not follow through? Is it a lack of diligence? The topical Bible study I am in right now is "diligence". I think it is appropriate that the previous two studies were "joy" and "hope". I seem to have a mountain top experience with joy and hope, and I think "I will never go back to my previous sadness again." Then a few days later, there I am thinking God has turned His back on me. My lack of diligence of staying neck-deep in God's Word leads me to doubt and fears...and I do mean neck-deep. Quickly reading a verse or two does not do it for me. I need to be surrounded and saturated in scripture.

I'm sitting in the chemo center as I write this blog. I'm waiting on them to deliver the poison that is suppose to slow this cancer down some. I'm thankful that there are people smart enough to make these medicines, but at the same time I sure do wish they weren't preparing them for my body. I sit here making small talk with the nurses that have become my friends, knowing in a few hours I will be sick, then sicker tomorrow with a downward spiral for about a week before I start the uphill climb that takes another week.

These drugs that make me so sick is prolonging my life. Doesn't that seem weird? The docs don't believe I will be here for 2013 even with the help of these drugs...going without the drugs will shorten my time even more. It's difficult to think about...I've always been someone that thinks in the future and not having that option is difficult.

I'm not looking for pity with this post, I'm just trying to be completely honest with my posts. At the end of my life I hope I am able to say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith". 2 Timothy 4

1 comment:

  1. Stay strong, and thank you for the dose of motivation. I like reading your posts! I know where Allie got her English dork skills!