Random Thoughts

Hello! Did you think I had disappeared? Maybe abducted by aliens? That makes me think of a woman that I have always called my second mother...you know who you are...PATSY! I grew up with several interesting women in my world. Each bring back wonderful memories, but I was closest with Patsy. She always tells people she taught me how to cuss and smoke...I guess if you are going to do those things you know how to do them well. Thankfully neither one of those are temptations to me any longer, but that doesn't mean I love Patsy any less.

Two things that I always associate with Patsy: Aliens and Elvis. Patsy was, and I guess still is, an Elvis freak. When I heard on the radio that Elvis had died I immediately called Patsy. She thought I was a prank caller and hung up on me! I called her back and convinced her to turn on the radio, I remember her being so upset and not thoroughly convinced that he was actually dead...probably working at a burger joint somewhere.

Now to the aliens. I spent many summer nights in Patsy's back yard staring up at the stars. She had me convinced there are many spaceships flying around just waiting to find a place to land and abduct people for medical experiments. That may sound horrible, but it was like a nightly visit to a carnival haunted house. To this day I cannot ride down a two lane road without looking in the sky for a UFO closing in on me.

Just a little background on what makes me the crazy way I am! I'm not sure where that came from tonight. It is fun to sign on to my blog and see where my brain goes! I might have to add a disclaimer to my blog! LOL

Looking Back

I have such a content feeling today. The past few weeks have been filled with days of frustration or just plain blahs. Physically I don't feel as well as I did and that dictates my mood most days. I get frustrated because my body won't do the things it use to...I think maybe these are the same thoughts an elderly person endures. I remember days of running as fast as the wind, turning cart wheels and flips, dancing, spinning in circles until I collapsed in laughter. These are the sensations of days long passed. In the beginning of these nostalgic feelings it made me sad. I longed for the days that I would never experience again. But slowly, as I began embracing these memories I began to feel comfort in them. Like taking an inventory of my life, of my experiences I am enjoying them again. A breeze blows and I'm reminded of past breezes. A familiar scent tickles my nose and memories of a thousand scents occupy my mind.

I understand now the reminiscing of aunts, uncles and grandparents. The afternoons and evenings spent mulling over childhood memories. To welcome these thoughts of long ago sensations, the sights, sounds, smells of youth are like curling up on a cool evening with a favorite blanket. A blanket that still carries the scent of fresh breezes and warm sun, of newly mowed grass and wild onions. All of these things are welcomed to visit because they are a part of who I am, not just a part of who I was.

They carry the memories of friendships that meant so much then - and looking back those friendships mean even more now. Even the childhood friends that I've lost touch with over the years, they are still just as much a part of me as the friends that I spend time with now. Each have a lasting impression on the person I am.

Overdue Update

Good grief! I can't believe it has been so long since I've blogged! Why didn't someone remind me? Don't y'all know I have chemo brain and can't be relied on!

I was going to blog today about a few various things I've noticed or thought of but I guess I better give an update instead. Maybe next time I will remember what I had started to blog today...vicious cycle isn't it? Welcome to my world.

Two weeks ago Steve and I went for my regular treatment. The trip was routine, nothing spectacular - just the usual toxic cocktail and then we are on our way. We stopped by my old office to see my friends. They have all been so loving and supporting to us and I really miss seeing them every day. The visit wore me out so I was looking forward to getting home and hitting the couch. We had just settled in at home when the nurse called and said my blood work was "concerning" and could indicate renal trouble. I arranged to go back to the cancer center the next morning for more blood test. Praise God the first test was a fluke! All counts were fine and we got to come back home. That was good news...but the best news of the day would come later in the afternoon. My tumor marker number dropped dramatically! Woohoo! That is the first drop in about 5 months! I was elated!!!

We thank God for the "fluke" test and for the lower tumor markers! Our God is Great!!

Glory be to God!

White as Snow

Steve and I headed out for another treatment today. The scenery was a little different than usual because of the snow...yes, more snow in Birmingham - hard to believe!

This time of year the drive down Highway 31 or Decatur Highway or 26th Street...whichever name I choose to use on a given day...is depressing. Most of the buildings or houses are boarded up or burned. There is nothing green, nothing blooming. There are no evergreen trees so all the trees are brown...and the sky is gray (sorry, I drifted off into a 1960's song for a minute)...I thought about how ugly and dead the trees look in February...how there is no sign of life or beauty, no evidence of a redeeming quality to them. But today was different - it was a beautiful sight! Each branch, limb and twig was covered in glistening white snow. Even the brown under brush was dusted with beauty.

Isn't this so much like the redeeming love of God? We are dead in sin, ugly in our transgressions, but when we accept Jesus as the LORD and SAVIOR of our life He washes us as white as snow! Like the brown trees covered in snow, God makes us beautiful, glistening...a new creation!

So, today I'm thankful for the snow, for the God who sees me as I can be and doesn't remember how I was, and for the signs He gives us to remind us He is right with us...even on the cold road to another chemo treatment.

To God be the glory, great things He has done!

Amy

New Lease on Life

A new lease on life....this is one of those phrases that I have often heard, but seldom thought about it's meaning. The phrase came to me again as Steve and I came home from the doctor this afternoon.

It has been almost ten months since we heard the word "terminal" and while the doctor didn't stamp me with an expiration date he did give the statistics of life expectancy for someone with my disease. In the past two weeks we have prayed, cried and rejoiced in the faithfulness of our Lord as we prepared to hear these results.

My doctor said the scan showed "modest" improvement. The majority of my tumors have either decreased in size or remained the same. In the world of terminal cancer, where tumors increase in number and/or size, this is positive news! He is pleased with how I am tolerating the treatment and doesn't see any evidence of needing to move to a more aggressive treatment at this time.

So today, on this beautiful, sunny day I have a new lease on life! No, I wasn't given the all-clear, I wasn't told I had been miraculously healed, but I do have the possibility of living longer than we first thought. That means more days to love my husband, more days to see my children grow spiritually and find their path in this life, more days to laugh and make memories with my sisters and their families and our friends. It also gives me more days to share the love and the joy and the peace that has been showered on me from Jesus, my Rock, my Redeemer, my Strong Tower. Which brings me to the thought of my new lease on life....

It IS a lease - because I have been saved by the grace of God, this is not my life to spend selfishly or mindlessly. I have leased this life to use while I am on this earth. It is my responsibility to use this life for the Glory of the Owner of this life. It is not mine to squander or waste. It is God's life and I will spend all the days leased to me to glorify Him.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, who gives and takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord!

AmyLou

I Can Do It!

Do you ever get amused with yourself for insisting on doing things on your own? It was raining when I was heading out the door for bible study this morning. Steve, being the wonderful man he is, offered to help me out to the car. I assured him I could do it on my own. So off I went with my head held high in self-sufficiency. In my arms were my keys, purse, bible bag, 3 library books to return, my to-go mug and sales papers for the stores I would be hitting after my class...oh yeah, I was also holding my umbrella to protect me from the cold rain!

I choreographed the dance of getting all those things into their proper place in my car while staying dry. I was proud of myself and even said to myself, "I am woman, hear me roar!" I was only a block or so away from the house when I realized that my accomplishment wasn't that great. I could have humbled myself, let Steve help me out, and I would still be headed down the same road, just a little more relaxed.

How often do I throw my shoulders back and tell God that I can do something myself? I tend to only approach God with my big problems. Sickness, heart breaks, finances...but I don't believe that is the only time God wants to hear from us. It is such a comfort to know that Jesus "is closer than a brother", to know that I can go to Him with everything - big or small.

If you are a parent, think of when you want to hear from your children. I love to hear from my kids - even though they are grown I delight in talking to them. They don't have to wait until they have a problem or until they have some huge accomplishment. I am thrilled to just talk with them, to hear about their day and the things they think about. Our heavenly Father is the same way. He delights in us! Don't you love that thought? The creator of this magnificent world with all of it's beauty and majesty delights in you!

As I grow in my Christian walk, I do find myself talking with my Lord on a more continual basis. I feel closer to the Throne when doing that. I don't feel the need to re-introduce myself or play catch up when talking to God and with my scattered brain that is a very good thing!

Bask in the thought that God delights in YOU!

AmyLou

Monday - YAY!

Happy Monday! Wow! I have been pretty busy the past couple of days and this week is going to be really busy...well, busy as far as I'm concerned. These days if I have more than one thing on my daily agenda I feel busy. Today I'm doing odd and end things preparing for the week. I have bible study tomorrow morning, then a PET scan - Wednesday I am participating in an early morning breakfast ministry (pray for me - I'm not a morning person!), shopping with my coupons and then Oasis service at GFBC and of course, closing down the Chick!

Things slow down Thursday - it's treatment day again with the added appointment with the doc to get my PET results. After that my week is basically over until I recover from the chemo cocktail.

COUPONS! On our first outing involving serious couponing, Steve and I had a total savings of $39.55! I know that is a long way from the Extreme Coupon-ers, but I was pretty excited about it.

SCRIPTURE! "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you. If I were to speak and tell of them there would be too many to declare!" I just typed that from memory! If you know how chemo brain effects my brain you might just be pretty impressed with this accomplishment! I will start tomorrow working to memorize another scripture.

STEVE! He has been busy converting our old bedroom into a den. He tore out closets and has painted. My job has been to keep Gracie out of the paint. He also made me homemade waffles yesterday. I am a blessed woman!

"I cried out with a troubled heart and Justice heard my cry, oh Jesus, he heard the groaning of my soul. Jesus, no one higher, no one greater, no name sweeter, than Jesus the hope of glory for my soul. I owed a debt that I could never pay and mercy set me free. Oh Jesus suffered that I might be made whole." These are the words of a song that was just playing on the radio. I felt pressed to record them here. Perhaps this is a word that someone reading this needs to hear, perhaps it was just so that I would concentrate on each word being said. Nonetheless, it was nourishing to my soul and I hope it touched you as well.

Now I must get busy with the rest of my day. There is banana bread to bake (YUM!) and I need to tackle my desktop...I think there is piece of furniture under there somewhere.

I hope you enjoy a God-filled day! If you don't know Jesus, the source of my peace, joy and comfort, please contact me. I would love to tell you about Him!

Peace!

AmyLou